“But besides all of this — you are loyal to me…” someone I had been closely cooperating with for several years said — more to himself than to me, nodding slowly, as if registering something he had finally come to see.
He said it with full awareness of the difficulties and tests of my values that he himself had created — by not always being fully fair, after a period when we weren’t having open conversations and he was trying different methods to nudge me toward his own goals. He said it still trying to understand how that kind of attitude was even possible. Something completely uncommon in the world of relationships and business.
I understand why he was so surprised.
Keeping your values when it’s uncomfortable — when abandoning them in that moment would seem more profitable, when the other side doesn’t seem to appreciate it, or worse, doesn’t return the same — it’s not the most popular way of living and handling life’s challenges.
But it’s worth far more than any financial or social benefit you might get from small compromises.
What values am I talking about?
- Being loyal
- Being real
- Not chasing quick gains that come from stepping away from your principles
- Treating people based on who you are on the inside — not based on how they treat you — regardless of potential short-term benefits
Ego, money, the desire for what feels like “justice,” the belief that “everyone does it” or that “it’s the only way to succeed” — these are the motives and thoughts that often drive us to moments where what we do is simply a reaction to circumstances — how someone treats us, or a money opportunity that appears — rather than a reflection of who we actually are and the principles we actually live by.
And it’s all driven by shallow benefits that come and go.
What’s more — this way of managing life is often considered smart.
But is it really something that gives us more? Or does it just keep us focused entirely on ourselves — while we quietly lose our real self-respect?
I’ve had many situations in my life where people were unfair. Where close friends said or did things moved by envy, or simply their own interests.
And that’s okay. That’s reality. I don’t expect life or people to always be fair — that would be impossible.
But what I’ve seen is that finding and keeping my values — even in the most challenging situations — gives me a remarkable amount of confidence and happiness.
Could I have more money by now? Probably. Could I have pleased more people by saying what they wanted to hear and grabbed the benefits? Maybe.
But instead — I see that it actually works. I’ve been given friendships with remarkable, interesting people who noticed it and genuinely want me in their lives.
And from a longer perspective I gain far more — even financially — because the people I work with see that I can truly be relied on. That I can’t be bought. And all of that makes them willing to entrust me with bigger, more responsible things — where trust in a person matters far more than skill alone.
And with myself?
I’m genuinely happy. I don’t have major dilemmas about how to behave or how to play a situation.
I don’t have to play much at all — honesty and authenticity, with good judgment and without naivety, mean I already know what to do and say.
And interestingly — it lands. It disarms even the biggest manipulators. There’s simply no fuel for them to run on. Only truth remains.
And the people who truly understand people — they appreciate this enormously. And they end up being some of the most genuine sources of support in my life.
Loyalty is not naive. It’s not weakness. It’s not even kindness.
It’s the only strategy that doesn’t require you to remember what you said last time.
Most people optimize for the moment. A few optimize for who they become. Those are the ones nobody can touch.
