What the most interesting people in my life have in common
“Oh, really — the price is lower than condoms at 7-Eleven.”
“Me? Buying condoms? I wouldn’t know where to start.” A self-assured, good-looking man answers with a mock-bashful look.
We’re sitting with a group of friends at a bar on the open street space of Hollywood Road, drinking a beer during a long holiday evening in Hong Kong’s summer. After a moment he starts throwing out Polish curse words with a perfect accent — after finding out my nationality. Then shifts into Russian-accented English, clearly knowing a lot about Eastern European cultures and ways of thinking. When different women come over trying to catch his attention, he smoothly switches to heavy Chinese-accented English, pretending to be their business partner.
He’s not my friend — not at all. I just met him the day before. But he reminds me of something I keep noticing in the people I genuinely appreciate in life. Something that gives me so much diversity and depth of insight. But he reminds me of something I keep noticing in the people I genuinely appreciate in life. Something that gives me so much diversity and depth of insight. And those people are a perfect example that sometimes — the deepest thing to understand is how to find that distance from reality.
So what do the people I love to have in my world actually have in common?
I have a few closer people who have made — and still make — my world wider, beyond what travel alone gives me. Very often they’ve told me something that genuinely surprised me, or offered a perspective that was completely different from the standard way of thinking. At the same time they’re so different from each other — they don’t even know each other personally — and yet they’re all part of my world. They show what’s actually going on beneath the surface. They point to the things that change how you see reality. And they’re usually right.
I want to try to paint some colors of the conversations I love and take care of.
“I was in Thailand. I saw a small, beautiful three-year-old girl. A real example of true, completely unique happiness — in her eyes. I’d never seen it that strongly before. What made it so striking was that she was with her homeless single mother. Three years old, completely unaware of the difficulties she’s about to face in life. This uncorrupted happiness of the soul — visible in those small, enormous eyes. I gave them everything I had on me at that moment that could help — including money and my watch. When you travel, you change your view of life and people. Of what truly matters.”
And spirituality — here we have a lot in common, even though our experiences and opinions differ quite a bit. I joke that we see the same universe from exactly opposite corners. But what we see is real.
So what do I actually value?
Experience and an open mind — the kind that makes someone stand apart in a way that’s visible in people who’ve been active across many different areas. Travel, business, psychology, spirituality. It doesn’t come from one thing but from gathering and testing across many situations, and proving itself true over time.
These people know reality. They know the world and its traps. They’re not naive — but they know how to handle life. And they have the courage to think differently from collective thinking.
It takes years of interactions and an intensifying sensitivity to become like this. That’s why what they say differs from the rest.
“Hmm, maybe I’m worried they’ll think I’m not a good worker. That I don’t care,” I said once.
“And what?”
“…?”
“Maybe they’ll think you’re stupid. You know, Martha — do you know how comfortable it is when someone thinks you’re stupid? No expectations. You can say what you want, do what you want, and nobody’s surprised. Think about it next time the urge to seem smart in someone’s mind crosses your head.”
There’s a touch of hyperbole in what he said — but he was spot on.
This person has real, deep life experience. Almost a whole life spent helping people navigate difficulties — real ones and imagined ones. Has seen a lot. Heard a lot. Understands how tricky life can be — and mostly how tricky the mind can be, making us suffer far more than necessary.
I visited him once on a friend’s recommendation — and we became close because of the many topics and perspectives we loved sharing. Very often in my life, when he told me something — sometimes a solution that seemed illogical at first — after sitting with it a little longer I was able to see its wisdom. And the results turned out to be remarkable.
The people I choose to keep close don’t follow the crowd.
They’ve seen and experienced many things — beautiful and ugly, real and slightly mysterious from a human standpoint. Most importantly — they made the right conclusions. And they’re still staying open, because they understand how many colors and shades life actually has.
That’s why they’re never fully certain their conclusion is the only right one. But when they’re ready to open their mind and share what they actually think — I appreciate those moments deeply and use them fully.
Why? Because it works.
Most people spend their lives collecting opinions from people who’ve never really been anywhere.
Find the ones who have. The ones who’ve seen enough to stop being certain. Who’ve lived enough to know that certainty is usually just fear in disguise.
Those people are rare. And they’re worth every complicated, uncomfortable, unexpected conversation.
