Why I canceled my dream trip and booked a flight home instead — Hong Kong, end of July.
I love this atmosphere. Hot evenings, music, boat parties, lightness. I love it.
In two weeks I’m flying to the Philippines. In a month — Australia. Melbourne, Sydney, Daintree Rainforest, Great Barrier Reef. Offline. My time.
It’s almost 6pm. Right — I was about to buy the flights I’d looked up earlier. Okay, but wait — a message on my phone from my business partner: “Can we jump on a call?”
I laugh internally, adding a touch of mysticism to the moment. Is this a sign that something was supposed to stop me?
I connect. There’s another person with us.
“I wanted to talk to you both about a potential trip back — maybe this is a good moment? What do you think?”
I want to laugh even more. And in that moment a lot of thoughts flood in — hmm, I love change. Maybe this actually is a good moment to go back to Europe for a while?
I’d already had it in my head that when I came back it would be another stage of the journey — I’d move to a different city and not announce it to anyone. I don’t want to bring old friends back into my life right now. It’s not that moment.
The voice on the call continues: “And actually — Martha, I’d like to put you in one of the most important business meetings I’ve been planning for the past year and a half. I’d rather you went instead of me.”
He continues: “Okay, but we’re just talking — the real question is when. What are your plans, Martha? Because everything depends on whether and when you’re thinking about coming back to Poland.”
Quick mental calculation:
Do I actually care about the Philippines and Australia right now? They’d be fine — but that was the plan when there was no plan. They’d give me something, for sure. But they’re not going anywhere. And they definitely won’t translate into happiness — for me that’s genuinely independent of place. What actually energizes me is the feeling of growth and doing something that matters going forward.
Australia is one kind of development. Europe and coming back home for a while — a different kind. But right now I feel it. It has potential. A few options that could be given space to emerge and clarify.
I catch myself noticing that my colleague is waiting on the other end, excited for my answer.
“Actually… okay, thinking out loud — if I come back in October that rules out the group thing because it’ll be peak season for us. Alright. I can sort out flights for mid-August. Let’s set the departure for end of August.”
We hang up after about fifteen minutes. And I sit with what I just did.
In a short phone call I decided to leave a place I genuinely love. A place that gives me lightness and space. Where I don’t have to do anything — and my favorite moment after waking up is walking to my favorite café and soaking in the energy of the city.
I decided to leave the apartment I’d recently found here — no time limits, and I was planning to come back after the vacation to breathe and feel the city again.
To leave the travel plans I’d put together.
With full awareness that maintaining lightness in Europe will require more effort. That there’s some logistics ahead with moving to a new city there — and not permanently either, probably one or two months before I’ll want to move on again. I know myself. So I’m not feeding myself illusions about settling in one place.
It won’t be a more comfortable place. There will be more challenges — entering certain environments and social dynamics, trying to stay myself within them. Exposure to new business situations and confrontations with reality.
And at the same time I’m excited like crazy.
Change. The trips I’d been thinking about — I’m dropping them right now, and I love that. Europe and coming back to my home country will give me a new space for growth and for integrating everything I’ve gathered over the last three months in Hong Kong and China.
So I’m buying a flight. But in a different direction. To Warsaw. To a place so different from the locations I’d planned — and where I am right now.
I don’t have to.
But I want to — and I feel it right now.
That’s not going to be more pleasant. But for this moment — it’s exactly right.
